"So....was this planned?"

My how things can change in just two weeks. Two weeks ago we were planning a family vacation for next year and now we are figuring out how we will afford another child in daycare and in diapers.

Things are setting in. The excitement over another baby is creeping in and the fear is moving out. I had my medical history appointment today and a bunch of lab work. My arms feel like they were digging for oil. Ouch! This was the first time I felt severely self-conscious about the dreaded question..."Was this a planned pregnancy?"

Me: Uh...no?
Nurse: Were you using birth control?
Me: **nervous chuckle**
Nurse: (staring)
Me: Uh, kind of.
Nurse: What method were you using?
Me: Uh...a wing and a prayer?

I wanted to continue with my new, little, standard speech...which is the following:

I mean, honestly, who would have thought this would...COULD...even happen? We tried for a year and a half for Lauren and had to turn to medical intervention to finally help us along.

And what I want to finish that speech with (but refrain) is:

Don't look at me like that. Yes, things like this happen to people who have college educations. I am not stupid. (Pause) I'm not white-trash!!!

But it was obvious that she did not care as much about this being an unplanned pregnancy as I.

I wish I could just be gleefully excited like Dustin but I am my own worst critic and somehow feel like I screwed up. Maybe it's because I am a planner and this was the opposite of that. Or maybe it's just because I am to "reality" as Dustin is to "dreams".

Honestly, I think it's that I still can't believe that this is actually happening. I thank God for this pregnancy. And sometimes you don't know you want something until you get it. And since this will be my last pregnancy...I will be sure to enjoy every minute of it.

I've been busy trying to find ways to physically exhaust my children so that they want to go to bed early; in turn, I can go to bed early as well. So Thursday and Friday I took them out to the mall playground and let them run wild.






They had a blast and I got a little quiet time to myself. Needless to say we will be doing that again very soon.

Saturday morning I woke up at 5:15 and decided that I should go for a walk. Well, Lauren must have heard me getting ready and thought that a walk sounded good. So I got her dressed and her and I went on an hour long walk. I had to laugh because everyone driving past me must have thought that I was a crazy woman to have a small child out on a walk at 5:30 in the morning.

It was a great morning for a walk, though.

I don't know how I have forgotten to introduce our newest member of the family. Please give a warm welcome to "Fishy Fishy"!!!



Josh named him. He has done a wonderful job in making sure that Fishy Fishy is fed every morning and he talks to him every day to see how he's doing. It really is adorable to see him so dedicated.

I hope everyone is having a great week and enjoying the heat!