Trying to Re-focus

The last six months have been pretty rough. Yes, I can finally admit it: my life is not perfect. Not that I've ever really given that impression.

As of Saturday, I have been a single mother for two and a half years and Dustin has been living/working/breathing each week on the same amount of sleep that some people get in one night.

To say that this has been hard on our family is an understatement. To say that this has been difficult for our children is an understatement. And to say that this has been a thorn in our marriage would be the biggest understatement of all.

When frustration, exhaustion and stress come together there is rarely anything good to come of it. But Dustin and I have always been a good team. It always seemed that when one of us needed strength we got it from our partner. And when both of us needed strength we found it in our Lord. But these last six months have seemed to be overwhelming and I am ashamed to admit that my faith has been unsteady at best.

I truly believe that is why I am having such a problem getting into the Christmas spirit this year. These years of sacrifices and the lapse of time has created quite a bitterness in me. And at a time of year when I should be so thankful for my healthy children, my wonderful family and the life we have together...I am resentful.

So today as I was rearranging my work, life and schedule to take care of my sick daughter, my poor husband who hasn't slept since Sunday and my clients, I drove in silence...and prayed.

I prayed that my husband have the strength to continue his work and that his years of dedication be rewarded, I prayed for the strength to be a better wife and mother and I prayed that He give our relationship its strength back. I do not know how millions of families do this. I do not know how true single mothers do this. And I am embarrassed that I cannot.

But as I sit here listening to my children sing and play, exhausted from another day and without my husband...I have faith that this too, shall pass.